Lord Akoroth’s Court: Entry 06:57

“Where the hell have you been Lord Akoroth?”

“Lord Zalthor? In my castle? I really need new guards. If you must know Lady Purple and I have been engaging in all manner of criminal activities. So it’s been a long boxy and dodgy night…”

“Well she is on that prison continent so I am not surprised.”

“Don’t be so old-fashioned my Lord Zalthor. It is a merely a reform island. Anyway did you want something? I would be happy to throw you out…”

“I wanted some sugar. But your kitchen seems to be empty. Lord Tempest skipped out on the monthly donation again I see…”

“Actually I got hungry last night and had a mid-dawn, pre-dawn light snack. But is also true that filthy horse Lord has also not paid up…”

“Tragic. Ah well, we can’t all fund our kitchens thanks to foreign reserves. i am sure you will strive through somehow. Anyway now that I have you in my sights…Oh don’t bother I locked all the doors…and the windows…sit down Lord Akoroth you will never fit through that grill.”

“Just checking. Fine fine, What do you want?”

“The League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness has sought an alliance and I think we should take up the offer.”

“And by ‘we’ you mean…”

“I mean I have already forged your signature on the partnership documents and you can expect large sums of money to be deducted from your personal account as capital for the new venture.”

“That’s what I thought. And what do these League of whachamacallits do?”

The L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N is noble and ancient. Much like our own order they made their fortunes through adventures on the high seas, brave financial ventures and supporting several noble causes.”

“Piracy, thieving and war-profiteering. As good as any venture capitalist I suppose. And what are they bringing into this bargain?”

“You need more than the honour of an association with a noble foundation like the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N? You sir, are being greedy.”

“Hmmm. Perhaps. Do they have a manifesto? A complete list of partners? A table and chair in somebody’s mother’s basement?”

“We didn’t talk much. I meant them during my usual rounds of soliciting. But they have sent across some banners and posters. And they gave me a copy of The House of Morgan as referential reading.

“Fascinating. Tell them to send trunks of cash next time.”

“Oh you can tell them yourself. They will be stopping over for a small banquet tomorrow. Three of them – Duke Dough, Baroness Raisin and Sir Crust”

“Lord Zalthor, We don’t have any food…”

“Indeed. But did you know that Lord Tempest is on vacation?  I didn’t even realize he was gone until I saw his horse a-trotting in his backyard without a care in the world and not a soul in sight to ensure no unfathomable harm falls upon the noble beast. Truly irresponsible of him , especially in these dangerous times that we live in.”

“Hmmm. See you in the feast tomorrow my Lord Zalthor. Bring some bread.”

“Will do. Bon appetite my Lord Akoroth.”

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