Lord Akoroth’s Court – Entry 14:39

horticultural love

“My Lord Akoroth”

“Duke Thin! What brings you here?”

“I heard you were having some err…interactions with couples across the land. Rumour is that they involve hot coals, a priest and some dice. Perhaps we could discuss this?”

“What is there to discuss?”

“While I support experimentation for the greater good, I don’t think you can convince love to bloom my Lord, however hot the coals.”

“Love is something that grows in time. But most people, being the idiots that they are, want a tree to fall from the heavens, roots firmly embedded. I merely wished to introduce my people to the joy of horticulture.”

“Once again my Lord it is my duty to inform you that love cannot grow everywhere. Why is that so difficult a concept for you to gras-”

“Crops don’t grow by magic, you have plant them! Plough the lands a little! Unless you are willing to plant something you will never get a harvest right? If you leave the land fallow you will eventually only end up with a field of weeds! It’s so bleddy OBVIOUS!”

“I am sorry you are facing difficulty in love my Lord. I heard about the ladies. But I thi-”

“I have the seed! I am pretty much a nursery and a granary combined! I need the ladies to just let me plough a little”

“My lord, I believe you are confusing human relations with vegetation and farms. Remember when you tried to create that race of intelligent bonsai people? This feels like the same sort of thing. And the mass uprising-and-sacking-of-the-castle-by-the-peasants phase appears to be just around the corner.”

“If you are going to bring up farms Duke, I must tell you…you…you and your logic…you…you are a cow sir!”


“The metaphors kinda got away from me there for a moment.”

“Maybe you need a holiday my Lord, somewhere peaceful.”

“I want a go where there are no crops-a-growing, fields-a-flourishing or birds-a-chirping. It’s sickening all the a-ing I have to see every day when I can’t seem to get convince a dandelion to poke its head above the soil!”

“A desolate joyless hell hole? I will inform Lord Zalthor that you will be joining him at his castle.”

“Fine fine.”

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