The Lethargic Side of The Force

Someone entered my room the other day and boldly declared that he was being beautifully lazy.

“How?” I asked.

This was a challenge. I would have fixed him with a cool stare but my face was already set in one direction and moving it was inconceivable.

“God! I woke up at 11 today and did nothing except lounge about and still haven’t bathed…”.

I glanced at the clock. It was 4 pm. I wondered whether should spare him. Perhaps show a shred of mercy. I never finished that decision as my mouth had already begun to speak so my brain decided it was too late and and anyway such thoughts were too long for comfort.

“I have not moved from this chair in 21 hours…this room in five days..this house in the past ten days. Bath? don’t make me laugh…”

That’s when the nosebleeds and cries for his mother, soap and a deodorant began. Pansy. All these amateurs think they know the power of the Lethargic Side of The Force. Fools. They know nothing.

I have stared into the void and fallen asleep. I have seen the true face of blackness and refused to put the effort of looking away. I have felt the force fill my being and quickly let it out as gas before I became dangerously motivated. Indeed I have totally forgotten what I intended to write after this since memory requires too much action. Still whatever it was it would have spectacular. But not too much. Awe and inspiration cause too much energy and THAT is a sin.

Here, deep within my room, I lie dormant. Doing…nothing. Feeling…nothing. Learning…nothing. Changing clothes…well you get the idea. The ceiling bleeds laziness and the walls are saturated by sloth. Fit, energetic freaks who enter my presence in their dismal quest to bring me ‘back to the light’ either collapse at the door or are quickly corrupted and fall asleep on the bed. I have never heard the end of the phrase “why don’t we do…” because such power radiates from my unmoving being that they always and immediately understand that there is no “we” when the word “do” appears. There is only “you” and “you” will “do”.

This is not an choice for the weak. The seduction of doing ‘something’ is always strong – testing you, luring you to it’s side. To resist means failure. To ignore means failure. To not even realise it is happening is the true sign of a master. The creed is simple – There is no peace, there is only sleep. There is no work, there is only…well there is no ending since no master dared to break the fundamental principles of this faith by sitting down and writing an ending. We don’t even make it up as we go along so my kind refuses to go anywhere.

I have dedicated my life to this belief and truly believe – not strongly but the justly path of least requirement – barely and very vaguely that one day, once again, the lazy will rule the galaxy and then…we shall have…sleep. But perhaps the greatest power that comes fr…

P.S : If you expected this treatise to be finished you have learned…nothing. Congratulations. Heathen.

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