“Is organising a party difficult Record Keeper? you always fret so when I tell you to arrange one”
“It’s like experiencing the stigmata my Lord”
“Surely you jest. It is a get together, mirth and merriment, possibly illegal activities in dark rooms. How can that be so bad? Surely we all want to do it”
“Oh everyone wants to do it my Lord. But trying to get Dukes and Duchess’ together at one time is like trying to catch 30 cats and making them goosestep for 45 minutes. Theoretically one of them might do it by accident but it generally involves heart-ache, lots of shouting and possibly a whip.”
“It can’t be that bad…how do other people do it then? I keep hearing about this or that party. Everyone is permanently in some party. It has to be easier than that!”
“My Lord, there are many kinds of parties. Type one is when a popular noble vaguely mentions to a unknown passerby that they are maybe thinking of hosting a small dinner. In no time 5000 people show up. Women get pregnant, men get tattoos, houses are set on fire, dogs are dressed as butlers, cars are dressed as Lady Gaga and the night goes down in legend as one of the highlights of the human cultural experience…”
“That sounds like fun…”
“Then there is type two my Lord. This is when an important noble drops gold-edged invitation cards to the ‘right’ people. Such parties’ usually only end when the collective come up with a plan to ‘change the world’. The phrase ‘eggs must be broken for omelettes to be made’ is a favourite in such gatherings. Masks may or may not feature but gorilla-sized bouncers, to ensure the ‘other’ kind of people don’t accidentally drop-in, are a must.”
“Then there is type three my Lord. In such parties close friends get together spontaneously to celebrate their love, friendship and the eternal beauty that is life. It is characterised by the honest smile, lots of laughs and moments that become the emotional rock for a generation…”
“I take it that we belong to a type four…”
“Actually we belong to type 243(a). It is characterised by a party that someone else initiates but ends up as a totally different entity unconnected to the originator. It is attended by people who have something else they rather be doing and are only there due do to certain obligations. Usually some form of blackmail is also involved – like the kidnapping of a family member to ensure attendance. The soirée is carried forward on the back of free booze and everyone leaves with a vague sense of horror. ”
“That is an absolute lie Record Keeper. We are better and classier than that! Surely my minions and my Dukes and Duchess’ flock to be by my side.”
“Flock? It has been three years since you even met another Lord of Zor in a social gathering my Lord. I shall defend my honour through exhibit A – The planning commission report for your upcoming party…”
Party no 123421; planning commission report: (all events are chronological)
1) The Duke Ven invites Lord Akoroth and Duke Thin to a party in his pad on the second Saturday from hence.
97) The Duke Ven wishes to inform everyone that the party will be at 12 am in his house.
3) Lord Akoroth wishes to point out that this would technically make the party on Sunday, not that he wishes to nit pick…
76) No response to above fact.
5) Lord Akoroth informed the two Dukes that ‘three guys meeting for a 2 am tryst is just wrong’ so a lady must be involved.
6) The Lady Lama accepts the invitation. The party is set for 12 am in Duke Ven’s house on Saturday/Sunday
129) The Lady Lama wishes to clarify what exact time the soiree is from Lord Akoroth
8 ) Lord Akoroth asks Lord Ven what time exactly he wants to meet.
865. a) Lord Ven responds and says he wants party at 2 am. Lord Akoroth absolutely refuses to step out of his castle at that time.
178.c) All agree the party is to be held in Lord Akoroth’s castle since it is too late to cancel it outright.
9) Lady Lama sends a message that she actually wants to attend another party on Saturday. She suggests they ‘get together’ on Sunday.
10) Lord Akoroth beheads seven guards, smashes four vases and throws the Record Keeper over the walls into the moat.
14) Lord Akoroth agrees to the ‘get together’ on Sunday. He says ‘Any Lama is better than no Lama’
15) Duke Ven says he has other plans on Sunday but will join the gathering at 7pm-ish.
58) The party is set for Lord Akoroth’s castle on Sunday at 2 pm. Attendance is expected but unconfirmed.
“Err…maybe this is a special case or something…”
“If you say so my Lord.”
“Didn’t the Duke Thin have any input in all of this?”
“Actually what he did say my Lord was that he was totally free and willing to come anywhere, go anywhere or do anything as long as somewhere there was some alcohol present…”
“I think the Duke Thin needs help. And a life.”
“Possibly my Lord.”