Congress UP report summary – Akoroth ishtyle

“Record Keeper!”

“Yes, my Lord Akoroth…”

“The Congress Party of India has just announced that they have a report that tells them what went wrong in the UP polls…”

“Indeed my Lord, they are going through an introspective phase right now.”

“Why don’t I ever do that?”

“Because you have an ego the size of the sun my Lord.”

“Oh right, right. Anyway I can’t read all this text. Summarize this up for me. Make it amusing as I am bored.”

“Well…

Considering the scale of the debacle in Uttar Pradesh, this is what the Congress should be doing –

firing squad

This is what most people thought the Congress would do –

However, this is what the report actually says –

Tell Rahul Gandhi to stop his tearing up manifestos and actually talk to the workers who know anything about the state. And for god’s sake someone please tell Salman Khurshid to keep quiet. Whose grand idea was it to give his wife a ticket anyway? We really need some discipline around here!”

“Riiiiiiiight. Are you sure that’s what the report said?”

“Feel free to read for yourself right here, my Lord.”

“Pfff introspection is for pussies…never mind Record Keeper.”

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