Back off! It’s my right…and your penis

Photograph shows a group of men seated on the ground near a small boy who is being circumcised, circa 1871, Turkmenistan. (Image Wikipedia)

A few days ago a few hundred people came out in Berlin, Germany to protest against a court decision in Cologne that banned doctors from performing circumcision.

These protestors were a rare mixture – religious Jews and Muslims. They may be willing to murder each other because 300 years ago someone’s great-great-great grandfather looked at the family cow in suspicious manner. But for this, they are all one big happy family.

Apparently nothing unites the deranged more than a desire to keep the lunacy going.

I find it particularly amusing how people always come out on these things demanding that the world respect ‘their’ right to religious freedom.

Now perhaps I am not as keen an observer of human affairs as the next bloke. But I failed to spot the line of one-year-old baby boys standing on the pavement, diapers down, penis out, demanding that doctors get down on their knees and slice that foreskin off before a riot breaks out.

baby boys playing
Cut it off, you pussies! We dare you!

Heck I might do it myself, if that day ever comes. But it won’t.

If these people’s slogans had any sense of reality then the boards would say – we demand the world respect our right to mutilate our children and then brainwash them before they are old enough to refuse our nuttiness.

(But I understand it would be difficult to put all of that into one board.)

That is what it is, when you really boil down to it.

Parents want the right to do things to their kids before the children are old enough to make a free choice.

I presume because it is obvious to even these parents that if they asked their 18-year-old boys if they wanted to get their foreskin lopped off, few of them would agree.

Actually, that would be a true sign of religious commitment.

When a boy or a girl, as a grown adult, makes an informed choice to adhere by whatever rules illiterate shepherds came up with several thousand years ago – that is true faith. And I would certainly respect their right to do so.

Weirdly, when I mentioned this to some friends of mine, these moderates launched into some long explanation about how circumcision is healthy. That is highly debatable, but that isn’t why you are doing it, is it?

I take such scientific ‘proof’ with a great pinch of salt. Do you remember that scene from the movie Gattaca where Ethan Hawke’s character sits in an incinerator and scrapes off all loose skin and hair before burning the shedding every day?

Gattaca incinerator scene
– He really scrapes. I am too lazy to get out of bed most days.

If I do a scientific study on that, I am sure that it can be proven even that is definitely healthier than not bathing. But I don’t see anyone rushing to install person-sized incinerators anytime soon.

(Bathing and drinking boiled water would have saved millions of the god’s children. But what god really wants the faithful to provide is a sliced penis? Life-saving is a job for scientists, not the holy one?)

There is a balance between science, sanitation and sanity. Even if some people cannot apparently see it.

Here is a real reason to support somewhat vaguely base any support for circumcision. Which no one cares about of course. But even that is not been conclusively proven.

You can of course choose to have a circumcision done to make your penis look better, because you want it, or because you think it is healthier.

But don’t tell me you should have the right to force it upon those too small to object.

On a side note: If I was the son of someone who went out on the streets demanding that no one dare mess with their right to slice my penis, I would say you are already doing quite enough to scar me for life. 

So heathens, this is what we have come to after three hundred years of enlightenment.

One giant robot car beaming us high definition pictures from another world a billion miles away which it searches for fundamental answers about the history of the universe.

Curiosity Rover
– Although right now it’s clicking pictures of its own ass. Hey, even Nasa must have some fun.


A few hundred people standing in the streets in the heart of Germany demanding respect for their wish to slice a pee pee.


(I don’t know what these people are so worried about. There is no politician with that much back bone. A new law has come out defending the right of people to continue with this noble and great act. Berlin was the front runner and other German states will no doubt follow.)

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