New Volkswagen Polo: Because being a bad parent is cool

The new Volkswagen Polo ad is out…and it is bashfully sinking more than a few toes into lake ‘its disturbing’.

Here is the ad –

So the premise is simple enough – a mother wants to go out with her husband for a night out on their own, but there is one hitch – the brat in the back who they apparently mistakenly punched out sometime back and now he has to do his homework and shit.

“He be totally cranking the style, yo. Time to do something about that with the help of my spanking new Polo.”

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It would make more sense, and be more responsible, to either make sure the kid does his homework and then go out (how late does this kid stay up anyway?) or to actually convince the kid about the importance of doing homework.

But these are modern people with modern cars with cutting edge technology. They are hip and cool and really need to party the night away don’t you know?

So do they take the easy way out, a.k.a hiring a baby sitter to look after the child?

No they take the strange way out – make him do it alone.

These people are apparently WAY too cool for baby sitters, nannies, grand parents, siblings or any association with any other human. These parents would never stoop so low.

The child must be alone and do his homework all alone…because nothing develops a child better than a close imitation of prison life.

I assume what he actually will end up doing is weep himself to sleep after asking himself – “why doesn’t mummy love me?”

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“because mommy loves this car more beta…”

And, as if to ensure that the kid is really fucked up, the parent decides that now would be a good time to instill in the child a visceral fear of all-seeing fairy in the sky. Who watches his EVERY SINGLE MOVE.

The mommy begins by telling him that ‘god’ will be watching him and so he must do his homework. Ah yes, catch them when they are young and gullible – a trademark of all religions.

(I love how woman generically says ‘god’, don’t want offend any particular customers do we?).

The child asks the natural question, which any curious and intelligent child will ask – “And how the fuck is this figment of your imagination doing that?” (I may be paraphrasing…a bit)

This is a great example of how, if left to their own devices, most children grow up to be un-superstitious, rational human beings who never accept things at face value, question things intelligently and generally lead happy, productive lives.

But this future was something that was either intolerable to the mother or maybe she just couldn’t care less because she had a party to attend damn it!

So she, and the daddy, proceed to scare the living daylights out of the brat via the blue tooth connected speakers of the new Volkswagen Polo.

How? The daddy comes online and proceeds to boom out “This is god speaking and I am watching you! ”

"Look at this scared shit-less face..instead that a true sign of good parenting, isn't it?"
“Look at this scared shit-less face..a true sign of good parenting, isn’t it?”

The terrified child, now scarred for life, naturally proceeds to shut up, having learned a very important lesson – never ever question religion, your mother, or any arbitrary order given to you by a superior because ‘god’ is always watching.

I particularly love the satisfied smile the mother gives after the event – oh bravo madam, bravo.

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Amusing parenting technique perhaps, but what about when this brat goes to pee? For the rest of his life he will probably have to stand for half a minute in the urinal, desperately holding his pee-pee with one hand while mentally mumbling “please stop watching me!” over and over again before he can get his kidney’s (and sphincter) to unclench.

All of this to sell a sole feature: Blue-tooth connected speakers in the new Polo.

Well big deal. The Chevrolets have this ability. In fact most high-end music systems have this ability. I had this ability in my beat-up old Maruti 800 two years ago via a USB port and blue tooth pen drive.

A new tag line? Volkswagen: We sell to stupid people
A new tag line? Volkswagen: We sell to stupid people

And if the idea is to sell the Polo to people who are won over because “oooohh it has speakers from which god speaks and all” then perhaps Volkswagen has misjudged the buying power of this targeted audience. Because I am pretty sure these people spend most of their time in padded cells speaking to their dead grandmothers.

And then you wonder why our society is the way it is and why god men rule the roost. It is because this kind of behavior is seen as hilarious and perfectly legitimate.

Yes our country and culture is rapidly spinning down the drain but hey, at least we are all laughing our asses off.

The tag line for the ad is “Added features, added value”. It should really say “Backward superstition, pre-installed”

And incidentally, never mind a few toes; I would say the ad swan dived into lake ‘its disturbing’, cracked its skull on a rock, and is currently floating in the middle, face down.

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