Kashmir: Free them or hang them or whatever them…

“My Lord Akoroth. You have a petition.”

“Read it out Record Keeper.”

“Very well my Lord. The people in the North demand that you stop brutally oppressing them.”

“These northern people are terrorists! Hang them!”

“That is a gross oversimplification my Lord. Like all proud people they just want the right to be masters of their own destiny without your rule or interference and they do have the right to make that claim according to historical precedent. ”

“So they are violent secessionists? Hang them!”

“They did take to violence a few years ago my Lord. And like all bands of roving armed lunatics they have blood on their hands and flirted with genocide. But now that we have killed nearly everyone between the ages of 6 to 40 who was within a 10 metre range of a weapon they have mostly given up arms. ”

“So the insurrection is ended? Time to hang the collaborators?”

“No my Lord. They still want to be free. But nowadays they have restricted themselves to throwing only rocks so want some parity in our respo-”

“Why do we even want those northern lands Record Keeper? Are the tax collections from the people that good?”

“Er…Well, the people are irrelevant my Lord. But the land is of strategic value. We cannot leave it to the enemy.

Actually if the people in that land pulled the stick out of their asses and tried to be peaceful even for a single day, they would actually be quite happy in our country. But such a large strategic picture is hardly known by anyone. ”

“Ah well. That is a good and just reason. But Record Keeper people rarely want to look at bigger strategic pictures. So what we need is a more simple rationale. Lets ponder on that.”

“Er…I thought we could consider their petition actually…”

“Perish the thought traitor. Here is what I think our official line should be – They tried murdering our people. Then they tried to murder everyone not of their race. Then they got murdered themselves. They are now demanding humane treatment so that they can hurl their rocks without repercussion? Hang them!”

“An exceptionally crude summation my Lord. Congratulations.”

“I know – Easy to remember and only three sentences. Simple. Make sure that quote is printed in every textbook, newspaper, wall and bathroom in land.”

“What about the historical precedent and views from the other side my Lord?”

“Oh never mind those irrelevant details.”

“As you wish my Lord.  Now that completely parallel and vaguely connected details have been settled, should I give any response to the petition?”

“Now that they are terrorists who have been beaten back to the Stone Age, we are scaling back to our response to ensure parity. From henceforth hangings will take place with old-fashioned hemp rope only. No nylon.”

“Er…yes my Lord. Moving along, there is this other separatist. He wants a reprieve from the Capital Punishment. His case stirs up an interesting debate about the effectiveness of the death penalty so I was thinki-”

“Isn’t he a terrorist?”

“Actually it is more compli…Sigh…never mind my Lord. I will hang him in the morning my Lord.”

“Excellent. This petition business is pretty easy.”

“Indeed my Lord.”

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